On Motivation & Depression

I find what motivates me the most is helping people, partially because I feel unable to help myself. I don't have enough discipline and terrible study habits, but also no real motivation. The thing I want the most right now is a loving relationship with a nice girl, I guess. However, I have done nothing significant with my life so far, so why would any self-respecting women want me?

I just go to chat rooms and forums all day, and sometimes read books. I have my job as a computer technician and math tutor, but they're only part time. They don't pay enough for me to move out from my parent's place, where I hate living, because my family is filled with emotionally oblivious, neurotic and unhealthily intense people. However, I failed university last year, and my confidence is so shaken, I find myself believing that I can't hold a real job. So I just sit here, day in and day out, with no life to speak of, and feeling that there's no way to get one.

So living in the state of mental decay, I ask the question, "What do I live for?" Too often, the answer only begets the question, "Why do I even bother continuing?" There are some good things in my life, but nothing seems to satisfy. Even the melodrama of these words disturbs me. I suppose then, I simply live for tomorrow. Another day, when perchance, someone that actually cares will drop into my life, and drag me off to greener pastures.

I guess that's why I like helping people, because hopefully my efforts will come around to me someday.

On that note, if anyone needs a C++ programmer, my services are freely available.