I find what motivates me the most is helping people, partially because I feel unable to help myself. I don't have enough discipline and terrible study habits, but also no real motivation. The thing I want the most right now is a loving relationship with a nice girl, I guess. However, I have done nothing significant with my life so far, so why would any self-respecting women want me?
I just go to chat rooms and forums all day, and sometimes read books. I have my job as a computer technician and math tutor, but they're only part time. They don't pay enough for me to move out from my parent's place, where I hate living, because my family is filled with emotionally oblivious, neurotic and unhealthily intense people. However, I failed university last year, and my confidence is so shaken, I find myself believing that I can't hold a real job. So I just sit here, day in and day out, with no life to speak of, and feeling that there's no way to get one.
So living in the state of mental decay, I ask the question, "What do I live for?" Too often, the answer only begets the question, "Why do I even bother continuing?" There are some good things in my life, but nothing seems to satisfy. Even the melodrama of these words disturbs me. I suppose then, I simply live for tomorrow. Another day, when perchance, someone that actually cares will drop into my life, and drag me off to greener pastures.
I guess that's why I like helping people, because hopefully my efforts will come around to me someday.
On that note, if anyone needs a C++ programmer, my services are freely available.
Monday, March 05, 2007
Friday, January 26, 2007
Who is DudeMiester?
The past no longer exists, the future hasn't come into being, so only the present is real. All thoughts of the past exist only as uncertain memories, and thoughts of the future, as uncertain predictions. Moreover, these predictions and memories exist only in the present within the mind. Thus, I am what I am, and that is my present state.
Still, this present state is the result of changes, and is itself, about to change. Yet, from this progression, a continuum can be constructed, a sort of cohesion of constant change. This blob, which is certainly not discrete, but rather, a fuzzy one, has travelled through time until now, and will continue its movement forward.
So, if I had to say I was someone, some constant thing, I would refer to this compact nexus of change, as nebulous as it may be. Given this, the question of identity is statistical, not absolute. Thus, it can only be determined by constant questioning and analysis of results.
This is the essence of experimentation, which in the social and emotional world, is expressed as role playing. Here one takes on an altered set of beliefs, behaviours and judgement structures, acts them out, and studies the results. Doing it allows one to gain a better understanding of the characteristics taken on. Thereby, one can clarify and establish one's ideal and preferred identity.
Of course, in addition to this, one must also consider the results of past actions, as encoded in memories, which is a vast amount of information. This corresponds to theoretical work, and is a kind of predicate logic. However, theories must be verified by experimental evidence, even if inspired by it. Certainly, having one without the other is less then optimal, wasteful and undesirable.
I believe this is why those that best understand themselves, and hence, operate most effectively in society, generally have the most open minds. For in order to consider different, but superior, ideas, one must be open to them. Indeed, even existing memories may be blocked to those too closed to re-experience their emotional weight. Ironically, doing this is required for their re-evaluation, so avoiding it is self-destructive. Thus, a healthy person must be open to both experience and expression.
I speak of this issue, because recent events have forced me to re-evaluate the way I live my life, particularly in the area of role play. Indeed, we play many roles in our lives, from the family caretaker to the working person, so flexibility here is critical. Certainly, one is an actor, but if one is acting all the time to some degree or another, then what happens to the underlying self? After all, isn't acting, by definition, pretending to be someone you are not?
Painfully, I have long felt that bending to the social rules imposed by these roles corrupts the identity of self, and you become a chameleon personality, a lie to everyone and yourself. However, if identity and self are themselves statistical entities, then they are necessarily shape shifting to some degree. Indeed, as your life progresses, your identity, body and personality will change, yet you still remain the same person.
While at first this seems a paradox, it is not, because the self is a continuum of change. This means that while one can be in an entirely different state at two different points in time, there is always a path connecting the two. The self is this path, not one particular state. It is this continuum, and the spread of states it passes through.
In other words, it's awfully shortsighted and foolish to think that you are who you are now, when you are so much more. Thus, you cannot corrupt yourself with a bit of role play, adherence to social rules and acting, so long it doesn't degrade yourself to the point of ending your continuum. Instead, one should act to sustain and enhance it to new levels of vibrancy, longevity and breadth.
Quite simply, role play cannot corrupt your current state, for it will cease to exist in just a moment anyways. Indeed, such pretending, such being something else, such change is a leap from the current state, and a progression of self. Then, if it brings about some new realization, it can only grow and improve the sense and continuum of self.
Therefore, the self arises from the acts we take on, until the role play is so innate that we feel identified with this role we never entirely are. The logic may be circular, but then, that's the nature of our reality, and a good thing as it allows for eternal self-perpetuation.
In truth, DudeMiester is what he is, was and will be, in which, nothing is exactly the same; his constant person is his inconsistent cohesion of constant change; and his goal is to expand the velocity and complexity of his structure to perfection.
Sorry for being long winded, and perhaps a bit vague, but lately, my understanding has been pushing the limits of my linguistic ability, if not exceeding it. That's OK though, no one's perfect.
Still, this present state is the result of changes, and is itself, about to change. Yet, from this progression, a continuum can be constructed, a sort of cohesion of constant change. This blob, which is certainly not discrete, but rather, a fuzzy one, has travelled through time until now, and will continue its movement forward.
So, if I had to say I was someone, some constant thing, I would refer to this compact nexus of change, as nebulous as it may be. Given this, the question of identity is statistical, not absolute. Thus, it can only be determined by constant questioning and analysis of results.
This is the essence of experimentation, which in the social and emotional world, is expressed as role playing. Here one takes on an altered set of beliefs, behaviours and judgement structures, acts them out, and studies the results. Doing it allows one to gain a better understanding of the characteristics taken on. Thereby, one can clarify and establish one's ideal and preferred identity.
Of course, in addition to this, one must also consider the results of past actions, as encoded in memories, which is a vast amount of information. This corresponds to theoretical work, and is a kind of predicate logic. However, theories must be verified by experimental evidence, even if inspired by it. Certainly, having one without the other is less then optimal, wasteful and undesirable.
I believe this is why those that best understand themselves, and hence, operate most effectively in society, generally have the most open minds. For in order to consider different, but superior, ideas, one must be open to them. Indeed, even existing memories may be blocked to those too closed to re-experience their emotional weight. Ironically, doing this is required for their re-evaluation, so avoiding it is self-destructive. Thus, a healthy person must be open to both experience and expression.
I speak of this issue, because recent events have forced me to re-evaluate the way I live my life, particularly in the area of role play. Indeed, we play many roles in our lives, from the family caretaker to the working person, so flexibility here is critical. Certainly, one is an actor, but if one is acting all the time to some degree or another, then what happens to the underlying self? After all, isn't acting, by definition, pretending to be someone you are not?
Painfully, I have long felt that bending to the social rules imposed by these roles corrupts the identity of self, and you become a chameleon personality, a lie to everyone and yourself. However, if identity and self are themselves statistical entities, then they are necessarily shape shifting to some degree. Indeed, as your life progresses, your identity, body and personality will change, yet you still remain the same person.
While at first this seems a paradox, it is not, because the self is a continuum of change. This means that while one can be in an entirely different state at two different points in time, there is always a path connecting the two. The self is this path, not one particular state. It is this continuum, and the spread of states it passes through.
In other words, it's awfully shortsighted and foolish to think that you are who you are now, when you are so much more. Thus, you cannot corrupt yourself with a bit of role play, adherence to social rules and acting, so long it doesn't degrade yourself to the point of ending your continuum. Instead, one should act to sustain and enhance it to new levels of vibrancy, longevity and breadth.
Quite simply, role play cannot corrupt your current state, for it will cease to exist in just a moment anyways. Indeed, such pretending, such being something else, such change is a leap from the current state, and a progression of self. Then, if it brings about some new realization, it can only grow and improve the sense and continuum of self.
Therefore, the self arises from the acts we take on, until the role play is so innate that we feel identified with this role we never entirely are. The logic may be circular, but then, that's the nature of our reality, and a good thing as it allows for eternal self-perpetuation.
In truth, DudeMiester is what he is, was and will be, in which, nothing is exactly the same; his constant person is his inconsistent cohesion of constant change; and his goal is to expand the velocity and complexity of his structure to perfection.
Sorry for being long winded, and perhaps a bit vague, but lately, my understanding has been pushing the limits of my linguistic ability, if not exceeding it. That's OK though, no one's perfect.
Monday, October 02, 2006
The Reconstruction of Iraq
Machiavelli said that fear is what creates society, but I believe he only sees the surface. Sure, fear provides and maintains the framework of society. For example, we fear going to jail, so we do not commit crimes. However, that is only the surface; society's exoskeleton, if you will.
At its core, society depends on love. While we fear prision, we accept it because we love our society and the benefits it offers. Moreover, much of the fear of prision is, in fact, the seperation from the society we love so dearly. Without love, a society is hollow and easy to collapse.
Both things are important and necessary, of course. A society missing either will fail, and this is where Iraq has gone wrong. In Iraq, there is no love, only war. Fear is plentiful, but there is no love to direct it. If you wonder why Afganistan isn't doing nearly so bad, it's clear. President Karzi exudes with love and compassion for his people. This love allows people to accept the fear of society, and direct it to where it is needed most. This isn't an isolated case either. The same occured with Nelson Mandela in South Africa. If only we had the same in Iraq.
Thus, the question becomes one of how to provide this love. Well, Iraq currently lacks such a passionate leader, so we Westerners must become that person. We must overflow the country and the people with our donations, support and reconstruction efforts. What most people fail to realise is that 90% of terrorists are that way because they only know pain and fear. If we showed our compassion in an unquestionable way, terrorism would eventually dissolve.
As the wealthy of this world, it is our responsibility to ensure the survival and safety of the less well off, if not for their sakes, but for ours. As 9/11 indicates, a distant seperation between the rich and poor hurts the rich in the end. We must create a level social and economic playing feild between us and Iraq, if we want either party to succeed. The way to do this is to create a detailed and comprehensive reconstruction plan that touches not only every Iraqi but every Westerner as well. We must show them that we are their brothers and sisters in humanity, and we can do this by our compassion and love.
At its core, society depends on love. While we fear prision, we accept it because we love our society and the benefits it offers. Moreover, much of the fear of prision is, in fact, the seperation from the society we love so dearly. Without love, a society is hollow and easy to collapse.
Both things are important and necessary, of course. A society missing either will fail, and this is where Iraq has gone wrong. In Iraq, there is no love, only war. Fear is plentiful, but there is no love to direct it. If you wonder why Afganistan isn't doing nearly so bad, it's clear. President Karzi exudes with love and compassion for his people. This love allows people to accept the fear of society, and direct it to where it is needed most. This isn't an isolated case either. The same occured with Nelson Mandela in South Africa. If only we had the same in Iraq.
Thus, the question becomes one of how to provide this love. Well, Iraq currently lacks such a passionate leader, so we Westerners must become that person. We must overflow the country and the people with our donations, support and reconstruction efforts. What most people fail to realise is that 90% of terrorists are that way because they only know pain and fear. If we showed our compassion in an unquestionable way, terrorism would eventually dissolve.
As the wealthy of this world, it is our responsibility to ensure the survival and safety of the less well off, if not for their sakes, but for ours. As 9/11 indicates, a distant seperation between the rich and poor hurts the rich in the end. We must create a level social and economic playing feild between us and Iraq, if we want either party to succeed. The way to do this is to create a detailed and comprehensive reconstruction plan that touches not only every Iraqi but every Westerner as well. We must show them that we are their brothers and sisters in humanity, and we can do this by our compassion and love.
Sunday, February 05, 2006
Locked Into Consumerism
This is how the USA rules the world, consumerism. It's only by the sale of goods that people often don't need that the United States maintains its colossal power and wealth. For example, the USA has forced all oil producers to sell in US dollars via countless coup d'etats, wars and acts of terrorism. By enslaving poorer nations, the US dollar gains it's value as the oil standard of the world. Since forign countries are now forced to maintain a steady flow of US dollars for oil purchases, they must buy goods from the US to get those dollars. Moreover, the US implements inflation, so that by the time forign nations sell those dollars for oil and other goods, they have become worth less then the goods they sold to get them. Thereby, the US is able to put a tax on the entire world, and become an empire.
Of course, the repression necessary to create the conditions necessary for this one-sided arragement also generate anger and hatred of the USA in its victems. Like with any oppressor, the people will eventually revolt. This is why terrorism exists. It's the natural reaction to America's death grip on the world and it's oil.
However, it's not just the poor in 3rd world nations that are enslaved, but also the very American populous itself. With such a glut of incoming goods and services thanks to the world oil tax, American business must find something to use up these goods. That someone is the American people, and to a lesser extent members of fellow 1st world countries. In order to create the environment for this rampant consumption, one needs a culture of consumption. This is the endless cycle of gluttony the US and other rich parts of the world have gotten themselves into, and I for one am about to puke.
I find myself reading countless newspapers, posting incessently, watching TV and eating overly sweet food. I spend 90% of my time consuming, playing right into the hands of American profiteers. Not that I dislike profit, but it has a social cost, and these days that cost is getting out of control. I want to stop consuming so much, and rather create. Create things of real value, things that inspire, things of beauty, things of balence, expressions of the divine... However, I can't do this if I'm selling my soul to the Super Bowl and sacrificing my body to the god of entertainment with chips and beer. Worst of all, I'm many people don't even see that they are being smothered by consumerism.
We need to remedy this situation. End this madness of consumerism, oppression of the truely destitute and global taxation for the gain of a few. Currently, North America is wealthy beyond any level of respect or dignity. We stink with riches, and have become filthy. Our hands are soaked in the blood of those that have paid with their lives for our thoughtless and careless hedonism. This needs to stop, or we will kill ourselves with bloat and obesity, if the rest of the world doesn't cut us away like a cancer.
Now, one person alone can't hope to fight a war, a jihad, like this. I know I can't. We need to band together, create a movement. We can use the internet as our tool. Forge a new society for the betterment of humanity. We are on the edge of a knife. We can either dive off towards a new future, or lay back complacently and be cleaved in two. We need to come together, create a system of support, or we face a slow death... rotting from within.
Of course, the repression necessary to create the conditions necessary for this one-sided arragement also generate anger and hatred of the USA in its victems. Like with any oppressor, the people will eventually revolt. This is why terrorism exists. It's the natural reaction to America's death grip on the world and it's oil.
However, it's not just the poor in 3rd world nations that are enslaved, but also the very American populous itself. With such a glut of incoming goods and services thanks to the world oil tax, American business must find something to use up these goods. That someone is the American people, and to a lesser extent members of fellow 1st world countries. In order to create the environment for this rampant consumption, one needs a culture of consumption. This is the endless cycle of gluttony the US and other rich parts of the world have gotten themselves into, and I for one am about to puke.
I find myself reading countless newspapers, posting incessently, watching TV and eating overly sweet food. I spend 90% of my time consuming, playing right into the hands of American profiteers. Not that I dislike profit, but it has a social cost, and these days that cost is getting out of control. I want to stop consuming so much, and rather create. Create things of real value, things that inspire, things of beauty, things of balence, expressions of the divine... However, I can't do this if I'm selling my soul to the Super Bowl and sacrificing my body to the god of entertainment with chips and beer. Worst of all, I'm many people don't even see that they are being smothered by consumerism.
We need to remedy this situation. End this madness of consumerism, oppression of the truely destitute and global taxation for the gain of a few. Currently, North America is wealthy beyond any level of respect or dignity. We stink with riches, and have become filthy. Our hands are soaked in the blood of those that have paid with their lives for our thoughtless and careless hedonism. This needs to stop, or we will kill ourselves with bloat and obesity, if the rest of the world doesn't cut us away like a cancer.
Now, one person alone can't hope to fight a war, a jihad, like this. I know I can't. We need to band together, create a movement. We can use the internet as our tool. Forge a new society for the betterment of humanity. We are on the edge of a knife. We can either dive off towards a new future, or lay back complacently and be cleaved in two. We need to come together, create a system of support, or we face a slow death... rotting from within.
Sunday, January 29, 2006
Some Thoughts
Reposted for prosterity from the 3DRealms Forums:
Never happened to me, I just deal with it myself. The most anyone does is let me vent to them. The most help I've ever gotten from anyone was by a psycologist, but I had to fork over $200 for it! On the other hand, I try to help out people I know.
...
On further thought, it seems that currently my life is basically perfect except for my non-existant time management, destractability, slight perfectionism and tendancy to boast/"talk the talk". I have a fairly good family, money, education, freedom, health, very high intelligence, physical robustness, great looks, strong faith, a huge breadth of powerful contacts at my disposal, absurdly good luck, etc... I suppose then, there isn't really any load to lighten.
Still, it irks me that if only I were more highly motivated and productive, I would be doing such great things already. Perfection is such a difficult thing, even if you think you have it, if you should have it, you don't. For example, at the company I'm starting, I should be making $2000 a week by now, but I'm stuck at $500 because of my lethargic actions. Of course, there is still time to change things, if only I can find the will and energy to take up the torch.
I guess that's the only area I need people emotionally, to constantly support and motivate me. Sadly though, most people don't know what does that for me. They talk of money, glamour and "success", but I don't care for those temporary things. I just want to inspire the masses, be it through art, emotional support or whatever they need. I want to be a catalyist of positive change. If I'm doing less then that, I just don't see the point, and I absolutly abhor wasting my time (ironically). I just need to be sure that the results are worth the effort, even if this is a bit of putting the cart before the horse.
...
I still have to write a formal business plan and document the primary operating procedures. I also need to flesh out the courses with exercises, lessons and manuals. I need to prepare a series of cheat-sheats to be used for quick informal lessons, which will be one off as the client needs them. I've got to finish furnishing the office sometime. I need to get a proper lid for the fish tank. I've got to calibrate and install our vast library of computer based training software. I've got to figure out a way of selling almost 10,000 computer books, some of which are out of date (thinking about a book-burning, lol). I need to get in contact with government officals about grants and other funding/programs. I need to clean up the legal aspects of the business, and stop the rampant piracy, but my boss/funding won't until we have the money to buy the software after the fact, lol. I need to get a proper schedualing system to log and scheduale tutoring hours, then calculate wages other then using pen/paper, and then use it consistantly. I need to update my tutoring practices, and include some time for general study skills and critical thinking development. There's a website and e-learning system being developed by a 3rd party that I will need to make content for. There's a long list of people, whose numbers scattered all over the office that I should have called back, but never did. There's simply mountians of promises and opportunities that I don't think I can ever fufill or take advantage of.
Now, I could hire some people to spread the load, but I have no money to do so! Even then, this isn't my passion, like I said. Also, I'm too slow and detailed to handle this. I like to make sure one piece of the puzzle is just right, before moving on. That way I know it was crafted with the amount of attention it deserves, and thus will be able to be re-used time and time again. Of course, my employer, being one of those Hong Kong type businessmen, doesn't understand this since he's used to the fast paced informal half-baked type of business, where quality is a secondary concern. I could do this though, despite the diffculty, if I put enough energy into it. However, that would require me commiting my whole daily life to this cause, which is something I can't do. This is not who I am, and it will never be.
Thankfully though, I have a supportive family and my dad will become a millionaire soon enough. We already have significantly more then that in property anyways (2 houses, a condo, a cottage and 100 acres of land). I have nothing to complain about, and I'm not complaining (I hope), just stating the facts. It's just that the only result of this business I can see is me becoming finacially well-off, and I don't consider money to be of that kind of importance.
So I guess I must ask myself, what do I value, and what can I do to achieve that? Well, I value cultural/ethnic understanding, the sanctity of life and the human person, the betterment of the world, respect by merit without being self-rightous, elegent design and structure (beauty), sources of inspiration, thankfulness and the constant quest to become something greater then what one is now. How do I achieve this? By showing people new perspectives and ideas via gaming and art, and educating them in these concepts. Then by inspiring them to take up the torch and do the same for others. You know it's funny then, that this education/training centre could be the very cornerstone of such an ideal, both finacially and figuratively.
I guess, I just need to develop my own vision for this business and apply that, rather then pander to the will of another. I need to see the path for myself, so that I can travel it with verve and confidence.
Re: any stories of lightening the load?
[Re: Delicieuxz]
Never happened to me, I just deal with it myself. The most anyone does is let me vent to them. The most help I've ever gotten from anyone was by a psycologist, but I had to fork over $200 for it! On the other hand, I try to help out people I know.
...
On further thought, it seems that currently my life is basically perfect except for my non-existant time management, destractability, slight perfectionism and tendancy to boast/"talk the talk". I have a fairly good family, money, education, freedom, health, very high intelligence, physical robustness, great looks, strong faith, a huge breadth of powerful contacts at my disposal, absurdly good luck, etc... I suppose then, there isn't really any load to lighten.
Still, it irks me that if only I were more highly motivated and productive, I would be doing such great things already. Perfection is such a difficult thing, even if you think you have it, if you should have it, you don't. For example, at the company I'm starting, I should be making $2000 a week by now, but I'm stuck at $500 because of my lethargic actions. Of course, there is still time to change things, if only I can find the will and energy to take up the torch.
I guess that's the only area I need people emotionally, to constantly support and motivate me. Sadly though, most people don't know what does that for me. They talk of money, glamour and "success", but I don't care for those temporary things. I just want to inspire the masses, be it through art, emotional support or whatever they need. I want to be a catalyist of positive change. If I'm doing less then that, I just don't see the point, and I absolutly abhor wasting my time (ironically). I just need to be sure that the results are worth the effort, even if this is a bit of putting the cart before the horse.
...
Delicieuxz said:At the company I'm setting up the server/network (Win2003 using roaming profiles). I created the logos (learned Photoshop CS2 inside out for that), some of the other marketing materials, business cards and catalogues. I've started tutoring, and I have 3 regulars and a few intermittent clients. I'm going to be trained and act as a consultant in an income tax seminar and workshop. I've set up the business accounts and invoices (QuickBooks). I've developed outlines for basic computer training and C++ programming courses.
What do you do at the company, and what personal skills do you put your spirit most into? For me it's music and philosophy. I eventually want to be putting my whole being into creating beautiful combinations of game music and story to inspire and teach people of their spiritual nature. I think some people, like Hironobu Sakaguchi, have already slightly attempted the same thing, but I don't think it's been a perfect focus.
My problem is that family and friends have always tried to talk me out of going after my music writing skills, which I firmly believe are among the best in the world. They aren't really people of confidence - unfortunately it has an effect on me, as much as I wish it didn't. But then again, who are they to be listened to? Their life goals are non-existent or ultimately worthless. They just want to secure things for themselves and go nowhere.
I still have to write a formal business plan and document the primary operating procedures. I also need to flesh out the courses with exercises, lessons and manuals. I need to prepare a series of cheat-sheats to be used for quick informal lessons, which will be one off as the client needs them. I've got to finish furnishing the office sometime. I need to get a proper lid for the fish tank. I've got to calibrate and install our vast library of computer based training software. I've got to figure out a way of selling almost 10,000 computer books, some of which are out of date (thinking about a book-burning, lol). I need to get in contact with government officals about grants and other funding/programs. I need to clean up the legal aspects of the business, and stop the rampant piracy, but my boss/funding won't until we have the money to buy the software after the fact, lol. I need to get a proper schedualing system to log and scheduale tutoring hours, then calculate wages other then using pen/paper, and then use it consistantly. I need to update my tutoring practices, and include some time for general study skills and critical thinking development. There's a website and e-learning system being developed by a 3rd party that I will need to make content for. There's a long list of people, whose numbers scattered all over the office that I should have called back, but never did. There's simply mountians of promises and opportunities that I don't think I can ever fufill or take advantage of.
Now, I could hire some people to spread the load, but I have no money to do so! Even then, this isn't my passion, like I said. Also, I'm too slow and detailed to handle this. I like to make sure one piece of the puzzle is just right, before moving on. That way I know it was crafted with the amount of attention it deserves, and thus will be able to be re-used time and time again. Of course, my employer, being one of those Hong Kong type businessmen, doesn't understand this since he's used to the fast paced informal half-baked type of business, where quality is a secondary concern. I could do this though, despite the diffculty, if I put enough energy into it. However, that would require me commiting my whole daily life to this cause, which is something I can't do. This is not who I am, and it will never be.
Thankfully though, I have a supportive family and my dad will become a millionaire soon enough. We already have significantly more then that in property anyways (2 houses, a condo, a cottage and 100 acres of land). I have nothing to complain about, and I'm not complaining (I hope), just stating the facts. It's just that the only result of this business I can see is me becoming finacially well-off, and I don't consider money to be of that kind of importance.
So I guess I must ask myself, what do I value, and what can I do to achieve that? Well, I value cultural/ethnic understanding, the sanctity of life and the human person, the betterment of the world, respect by merit without being self-rightous, elegent design and structure (beauty), sources of inspiration, thankfulness and the constant quest to become something greater then what one is now. How do I achieve this? By showing people new perspectives and ideas via gaming and art, and educating them in these concepts. Then by inspiring them to take up the torch and do the same for others. You know it's funny then, that this education/training centre could be the very cornerstone of such an ideal, both finacially and figuratively.
I guess, I just need to develop my own vision for this business and apply that, rather then pander to the will of another. I need to see the path for myself, so that I can travel it with verve and confidence.
Sunday, July 10, 2005
My Musings on The Ideal Society
I say the government should be socalist, and act as a representive or "union leader" of the people. However, they must be prevented from getting a mind of their own, thus forming a "communist" dictatorship over the people. They must be transparent and accountable to make sure their thinking is the public's thinking. The government must be nothing more then a puppet, but a puppet of the people.
The economics of the country should be capitalist, allowing people to be free to do what they want with their money, possessions and lives in general. However, the capitalist forces cannot be allowed to become too powerful, thus forming a "facist" dictatorship via economic control. The capitalist economy should be an equal opportunitly place, like the internet, without any monopolistic groups strangleholding it.
Now what exactly keeps these two forces in check? Well that's the beauty of it, they should keep eachother in check. The government, being socialist, will naturally keep the capitalist forces in check, taking the riches of capitalism and giving it to those in need. Likewise, the capitalist forces will keep the government from being too oppressivly socialist, preventing a crushing drain of resources on the economy. Combined properly these two forces will become a massive creative and effictively centrist force, where everyone is ensured both freedom and security.
At least that's what I think would happen. Although it could be screwed up, leading to the government and economy warring with each other for control instead of negotiating a balence of power. Something similar to the class conflict of communism, but never ending. Although perhaps infinite war is the destiny of humanity, but I doubt that. People grow tired of war far faster then they grow tired of peace, so naturally the tendancy will be towards peace.
The economics of the country should be capitalist, allowing people to be free to do what they want with their money, possessions and lives in general. However, the capitalist forces cannot be allowed to become too powerful, thus forming a "facist" dictatorship via economic control. The capitalist economy should be an equal opportunitly place, like the internet, without any monopolistic groups strangleholding it.
Now what exactly keeps these two forces in check? Well that's the beauty of it, they should keep eachother in check. The government, being socialist, will naturally keep the capitalist forces in check, taking the riches of capitalism and giving it to those in need. Likewise, the capitalist forces will keep the government from being too oppressivly socialist, preventing a crushing drain of resources on the economy. Combined properly these two forces will become a massive creative and effictively centrist force, where everyone is ensured both freedom and security.
At least that's what I think would happen. Although it could be screwed up, leading to the government and economy warring with each other for control instead of negotiating a balence of power. Something similar to the class conflict of communism, but never ending. Although perhaps infinite war is the destiny of humanity, but I doubt that. People grow tired of war far faster then they grow tired of peace, so naturally the tendancy will be towards peace.
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
Update
I'm not dead. I just post too much at 3DRealms and I forget about this blog.
Anyways, I'm going home for the long (kills bug on desk, damn things) weekend by train. Should be interesting. I'm going to take the train all the way from my parent's cottage in Parry Sound back to Waterloo. $50 about for the ticket, actually not that bad considering the distance. The bus would certainly cost more, and be less comfortable.
I submitted a entry to a contest located here, and sortof applied for a co-op job too, lol. I hope they're interested! Anyways, I found the site via the Reality Engine. I just checked the site to see any updates in their client's games, since I'm a fan of then engine, and I noticed the contest. As you can see from my previous post, it should be right up my ally. I hope I win, like I won that Myst 4 contest. Did I tell you about that?
Well over at the Ubisoft boards for Myst 4 and 5 there is quite a vibrant community. I got involved with the news about Myst 4, and they love having ther contests. They usually have an undisclosed member of the Myst team make all sorts of puzzles and things for the community to solve. Usually the reward is screenshots and info, but near the release of Myst 4 they had prizes. Basically, everyone would independantly solve puzzles, submit the answers and get points. Only 10 people per puzzle could get a point, and at the end of the week the points were tallied and the top 10 got a prize. After the 4 weeks the points were tallied again to find out who gets the grand prize. I didn't get the grand prize, but I did get a free copy of Myst 4 for getting in the top 10 of week four. Unfortunitly, there was some trouble with delievering the prizes so I didn't get it until a month after it was on store shelves. Furthermore, with Myst 5 being a real time rendered 3D game, I'm worried that it won't hold up to the visually rich tradition of the Myst series, and due to that I've dropped out of the community. :( There isn't much going on right now anyways, they'll just waiting for it to be released like how I want for DNF, lol!
My algorithms for thread safe backgroundable garbage collection and deadlock prood syncronisation/locks are perfected. Now I'm perfecting the code interfaces to them. I'll need to benchmark and optimise it I'm sure at the end. Then on to porting over my particle system to the new memory/object framework, and developing my run time type information library (maybe I'll implement a C# accessor/interpretor as a test). Finally when that's done, I think I'll work on a 2D graphics engine. I'll use it for GUIs and rendering the memory layout of my object networks, which will be cool. I also intend to add shader support/sorting and parallax layers, then some HDR bloom and relief mapping (pair the 2D surfaces with a heightmap). I want to make a game for Maddox based on this platform, and it should visually kick the ass of almost all 3D games and physically kick the ass of your computer, lol!
Anyways, I'm going home for the long (kills bug on desk, damn things) weekend by train. Should be interesting. I'm going to take the train all the way from my parent's cottage in Parry Sound back to Waterloo. $50 about for the ticket, actually not that bad considering the distance. The bus would certainly cost more, and be less comfortable.
I submitted a entry to a contest located here, and sortof applied for a co-op job too, lol. I hope they're interested! Anyways, I found the site via the Reality Engine. I just checked the site to see any updates in their client's games, since I'm a fan of then engine, and I noticed the contest. As you can see from my previous post, it should be right up my ally. I hope I win, like I won that Myst 4 contest. Did I tell you about that?
Well over at the Ubisoft boards for Myst 4 and 5 there is quite a vibrant community. I got involved with the news about Myst 4, and they love having ther contests. They usually have an undisclosed member of the Myst team make all sorts of puzzles and things for the community to solve. Usually the reward is screenshots and info, but near the release of Myst 4 they had prizes. Basically, everyone would independantly solve puzzles, submit the answers and get points. Only 10 people per puzzle could get a point, and at the end of the week the points were tallied and the top 10 got a prize. After the 4 weeks the points were tallied again to find out who gets the grand prize. I didn't get the grand prize, but I did get a free copy of Myst 4 for getting in the top 10 of week four. Unfortunitly, there was some trouble with delievering the prizes so I didn't get it until a month after it was on store shelves. Furthermore, with Myst 5 being a real time rendered 3D game, I'm worried that it won't hold up to the visually rich tradition of the Myst series, and due to that I've dropped out of the community. :( There isn't much going on right now anyways, they'll just waiting for it to be released like how I want for DNF, lol!
My algorithms for thread safe backgroundable garbage collection and deadlock prood syncronisation/locks are perfected. Now I'm perfecting the code interfaces to them. I'll need to benchmark and optimise it I'm sure at the end. Then on to porting over my particle system to the new memory/object framework, and developing my run time type information library (maybe I'll implement a C# accessor/interpretor as a test). Finally when that's done, I think I'll work on a 2D graphics engine. I'll use it for GUIs and rendering the memory layout of my object networks, which will be cool. I also intend to add shader support/sorting and parallax layers, then some HDR bloom and relief mapping (pair the 2D surfaces with a heightmap). I want to make a game for Maddox based on this platform, and it should visually kick the ass of almost all 3D games and physically kick the ass of your computer, lol!
Friday, May 27, 2005
Crazy 3 Part Dream
I like to record my dreams as it helps me recollect them, and today I had a particularly interesting one. Warning though, my dreams are usually long and extremely detailed. ;)
Well it started off in this basement room of a masion. The room was nice with what appeared to be mahongony panelling on the lower half of all the walls, and there was a leather sofa on the right wall. The room itself was rectangular, in front of me on the long wall there was a large table setup, behind me on the left hand corner was the stairs up. There was a butler standing off to the left of me. He told me to look at what's on the table. It was a rather nice diamond collection. They were about 5 carats on average, each sitting atop its own envelope and a card that described their value, origion, unique qualities, cut, etc... I put the diamonds and cards back in the evelopes for some reason. Oh I was also with someone else, who was sitting on the sofa. Although throughout my dream this person was not really someone else, it seemed rather to be a reflection of certain aspects of my personality. Kind of like my evil twin, but not really evil, just lazy and impulsive.
Next thing I remember is being upstairs in the mansion walking down a white panalled hall. On the left there first a door then windows, and on the right first a door, then an opening to another room. On the far end of the hall was some kind of loung or dining room, it was well lit and had a chandelier from what I could see. I went into the opening to the other room, and there was the other guy (lets say I am DudeA, and he is DudeB). He was sitting on a sofa on the right wall, watching a TV in the far left left corner. There was a wooden drafting desk with a drawing of some kind on it beside the TV (closer to me) , but it was recessed as the room was L shaped (it was wider to my left and longer in front of me). In the left corner near me, beside the desk there was a spiral starcase to somewhere, and opposite me was another opening to somewhere else.
Next thing I remember, is I was now working at a factory. I was first drilling holes in engine blocks. This was done by hand, after the blocks had mostly been drilled by robots. We had a vertical metal frame attached to the back of the workdesk that held the block up, then we used guides to position the drill, and drilled the holes. There was about a 3x3 arrangement of desks, windows at the back, a doorway on the front left, and all kinds of mechanical pariphenila on the walls. The floor was concrete and it was a bit dirty, but not too much so. We wore safety goggles and those blue coveralls you often see car repairmen wearing.
Then was assigned to repairing high end cars that people had bought from us. Strangely, none of the repairs were serious, just a loose nut or bolt that was causing a rattelling noise. These bolts were in one case one that held on the covering of the center console, another case I had to re-drill the hole for a nut that held up a console thing between the driver and passenger near the back on the ceiling, and another case I had to tighen down the headrests. The cars were all quite beautiful otherwise, shining clean. I remember one had this metallic purple paint job with dark tinted windows. It just seemed to glow in the sunlight. Oh yeah, this was all done outdoors just in front of where I used to be working on the engine blocks. The door I mentioned lead out here. The cars pulled in from a white orangish cement road that ran from left side of the drilling room, curving to where I was in front of the room, and then off somewhere. Also, the boss of the factory himself came and reassigned me. He looked to be in his very early 30s, young and health, brown wavy kind of air not unlike Conan O'Brian only not so exagerrated. He had a clean white shirt, a tie, belt, dress shoes and black pants on. I think he also had a plastic nametag/ID thing clipped to his shirt pocket.
Then I recall going around after work to this bar sortof thing. There were people gambling, drinking, smoking and playing cards. Strangly, unlike I would in real life I wasn't coughing gagging on the cigarette smoke. Anyways, this bar was L shaped again, from the front enterance the bar was along your right, and it room turned to left where there were gambling tables setup. I went to the far end where I found two guys. These were your factory worker, swearing a blue streak, rough and tough kind of guys. As such, they were modelled after/looked like the characters Skull and Bulk from Power Rangers. So Bulk was sitting down at a table, and Skull leaning against the wall beside him drinking whiskey or something. Bulk was waiting to play this interesting card game, but there was no one to play with him, so I sat down and started playing.
He called the game "Poker Chess", basically there was a 3x3 grid, you get delt three cards to start. On your turn you place a card on one of the three spots available to you. Available means directly on your said or the spot before it is occupied by one of your cards. Then went your card collides with the other players (i.e. his card is in the spot you want to take), based on the value of the cards (spades, hearts, clubs, diamonds, and Ace, King, to Two are the order of value), you create a probably that one side or the other will win. Then you roll some dice to see who gets it. The first person to occupy a full row of cards, wins. Of course, I lost burtally because I didn't really know what I was doing, and Bulk exploiting my ignorence by changing the rules to suit his needs, the cheating bastard! Still, he did offer to give me a ride home.
We (me, him and Skull) got into his junky old car, and drove through a sort of junkyard thing to a big fenced gate. On the ride, I realised that Skull was actually DudeB from the beginning just older. Anyways, behind the gate was a bit dilapidated apartment building, which is where I lived. Unlike the bright sky and green grass at the factory, this place had a black stormy sky, and no grass to be seen. The ground had puddles of oil and water, the oil running off the junk (mostly crushed cars on ether side of the road). The junk created tall virtical walls rising on either side of the road, the road itself was about 20 feet wide. The gate had warning signs and other non-sense tacked onto it, and on the other side of it there was a big open space before the apartment bulding which was on an angle from my perspective. The length of it streching a bit into the distance. There were some kids running around and playing in this space. At the gate, on the right and left there were spaces cut into the junk walls. In the right space, there were a bunch of these religious kids that looked really cartoony, in a choir or something and they were praying for peace and properity. They seemed to exude a kind of power, this sortof energy, but I ignored it. I had the gate opened by waving to the guard on the top left above the choir kids, and went inside.
Next thing I was looking a this overview of the plant, a floor plan. There was a greyed off area, and I recalled how I had been working there after repairing the cars for a while. Here we tested engines, or generators or something, but we needed another generator/alternator to test them for whatever reason. Anyways, they were all failing the tests, so we had the whole lot just scrapped, the whole production system reworked on my advice to something much more efficent, and I was promoted. However, I realised it had all just been because my testing generator was actually broken, but I never told anyone that, since I got a promotion and didn't want to loose it. Then I worked my way up the business ladder, and now was second in command of the entire factory, dressed all business like, older (mid-20s) and whatnot.
Anyways, the boss just called me to his office. From the doorway, it was a very spacious and white room, with big clear windows on the opposite wall. On the left was another door somewhere, on the right was the boss, his long but not too wide desk, and a long blackboard. On the blackboard was a drawing of Jean Cretian in a chair, and the chair had this marbly texture to it. The boss said the Prime Minister commissioned us to design him a chair, and he felt that he had come up with the perfect design.
And now for something completely different, I was dead in hell. The part of hell I was in was this big room. There was a thone thing where Satan sat on the far wall, and in front of him the ceiling scaled up into this big skylight thing. The skylight was really obsured, and just looked like a fussy white glow. The walls were smooth and greyish, either metal or ceramic, likewise was the floor. On the left and right were entraces to the usual cave like, molten lava hell you would expect.
Anyways, Skull/DudeB was Satan and Bulk a henchmen dude. There was also some other guy, but I don't really remember him, he was another henchman that hung around. I was also good friends with Satan, which was why I was not in the molten lava parts of gell. Also, for whatever reason he was completly ignorent about God and Jesus and very innocent. Extremely odd to say the least, but then consider Satan in my dream was actually my alter ego DudeB, I suppose it makes sense. So I asked Satan where the skylight went to, and he said back to Earth. I said good, I want to go back to Earth and find Jesus so I can get out of hell and into heaven. He asked who this Jesus was, and I said he's a most excellent fellow who perfects everything and saves all. Satan, then said that he wants to meet this Jesus too and be saved, so we will all go and find him, but no one has broken through the skylight to get back to Earth before. Then Bulk annouced that actually he could break through it, by jumping up and head butting it. Satan, said that Bulk will take me up, and if I get through ok to go find Jesus, and he would come up later and follow me. He also asked what the animals look like in case they need to eat something. I told him that the only animals fly and they are airplanes, because for some reason I thought this would prevent Satan from eating people by accident. I dunno, it's a dream...
So Bulk picked me up, held me to him and started jumping up, smashing his head through the skylight. He got his head stuck, but pulled, dropped back down, jumped again and broke through. However, that was only the first of many layers of thick glass in this skylight, so he just made this huge super-jump and smashed through them all. I was now at the surface of earth in a large city. The skylight actually reached up in a sort of pryamid with the top cut off in the middle of the city. So I went off, and Bulk jumped back down. I got out of the city, and came up a ridge to see that the entire city was in a sort of crater. I passed by those cartoon choir kids, and they were positivly glowing with arcane power. They were praying for the city, which apparently was a soddom/gomorrah nexus of corruption, to be purified and banished into gate to hell that they opened. Also, to close the gate to hell, the very one I just came through. Soon the entire city and ground started to shake, you could see it getting sucked into the ground around the skylight, but not into the skylight itself. It was awesome, but I had to find Jesusl, be saved and get to heaven, so off I went.
Now I became Satan/DudeB (well I was sortof him all along remember). We're in the throne room of hell, and everything is shaking, dust is falling and I'm like damn we better go somethings up. So we all just fly out of there, just as the city is collapsing entirely. Buildings are falling down all around us (three of us, me Bulk and the other guy). We are standing on some kind of monorail, but it's crumbling, so we jump up onto this tall building. The building itself was three segmant that were coming apart, each segment having cement around it with green class coming out like a band wrapping around the segment. It was about to collapse, but I/Satan (I was sortof him, and sortof 3rd person, hard to describe), used my powers to steady it. From here we had a vanatage point, and we spotted a clear area. So we jumped/ran over to it, just as the entire city was sucked in, and gone.
This clearing was near an airport (remember they/I think planes are animals for food). It was a grassy feild, the sky was blue, behind us was a large hanger/terminal building of some kind with a monorail curving around it to parts unknown. Suddenly and airplane roared overhead, and I'm like we've got to get that, so we have some food. But suddendly a cannessa whips by in front of us, distracting our attention, and I'm like we need to get that! However, the cannessa somehow morphed into a model helicopter some kid was playing with. A bit behind the kid the grass got taller like wheat, and there was a lot of coniferous trees, it really looked like your average middle of no-where farmer's feild, but it was beside an airport. Anyways, we went up to the kid and asked to eat his model, and he just said we were silly and you can't eat planes. So I'm like ok, whatever, it's not like we actually need to eat being supernatural beings and all.
So now I'm back in my usual DudeA form, instead of DudeB/Skull/Satan form. I've found the gates to heaven, went through them and entered into a large church that looked suspiciously like St. Peters. There was dark marble pillars on either side, pews in front, whiteish/pink marble floors, that weird thing at the center of St. Peters was in the background, and there was a speaking podium thing in front on the left. This look was probably no coincidence, since St. Peter was at the podium thingy, teaching a group of people about heaven, Jesus, life, etc... So I sat down with them and suddenly a heavenly glow came over me, and I was saved! w00t! Then, right after Satan, Bulk and the other dude burst in, and St. Peter just got this look of shock, as if to say "wtf are you here for?" Interestingly at this point Satan looked less like Skull and more like the Zoolander guy, lol! Satan's like, I'm looking for Jesus so I can be saved. St. Peter was like, well this is highly unusual, but whatever, just sit down and listen. So Satan and the guys did, and they were saved too.
THE END
I told you my dreams were excessively long and detailed. ;)
Well it started off in this basement room of a masion. The room was nice with what appeared to be mahongony panelling on the lower half of all the walls, and there was a leather sofa on the right wall. The room itself was rectangular, in front of me on the long wall there was a large table setup, behind me on the left hand corner was the stairs up. There was a butler standing off to the left of me. He told me to look at what's on the table. It was a rather nice diamond collection. They were about 5 carats on average, each sitting atop its own envelope and a card that described their value, origion, unique qualities, cut, etc... I put the diamonds and cards back in the evelopes for some reason. Oh I was also with someone else, who was sitting on the sofa. Although throughout my dream this person was not really someone else, it seemed rather to be a reflection of certain aspects of my personality. Kind of like my evil twin, but not really evil, just lazy and impulsive.
Next thing I remember is being upstairs in the mansion walking down a white panalled hall. On the left there first a door then windows, and on the right first a door, then an opening to another room. On the far end of the hall was some kind of loung or dining room, it was well lit and had a chandelier from what I could see. I went into the opening to the other room, and there was the other guy (lets say I am DudeA, and he is DudeB). He was sitting on a sofa on the right wall, watching a TV in the far left left corner. There was a wooden drafting desk with a drawing of some kind on it beside the TV (closer to me) , but it was recessed as the room was L shaped (it was wider to my left and longer in front of me). In the left corner near me, beside the desk there was a spiral starcase to somewhere, and opposite me was another opening to somewhere else.
Next thing I remember, is I was now working at a factory. I was first drilling holes in engine blocks. This was done by hand, after the blocks had mostly been drilled by robots. We had a vertical metal frame attached to the back of the workdesk that held the block up, then we used guides to position the drill, and drilled the holes. There was about a 3x3 arrangement of desks, windows at the back, a doorway on the front left, and all kinds of mechanical pariphenila on the walls. The floor was concrete and it was a bit dirty, but not too much so. We wore safety goggles and those blue coveralls you often see car repairmen wearing.
Then was assigned to repairing high end cars that people had bought from us. Strangely, none of the repairs were serious, just a loose nut or bolt that was causing a rattelling noise. These bolts were in one case one that held on the covering of the center console, another case I had to re-drill the hole for a nut that held up a console thing between the driver and passenger near the back on the ceiling, and another case I had to tighen down the headrests. The cars were all quite beautiful otherwise, shining clean. I remember one had this metallic purple paint job with dark tinted windows. It just seemed to glow in the sunlight. Oh yeah, this was all done outdoors just in front of where I used to be working on the engine blocks. The door I mentioned lead out here. The cars pulled in from a white orangish cement road that ran from left side of the drilling room, curving to where I was in front of the room, and then off somewhere. Also, the boss of the factory himself came and reassigned me. He looked to be in his very early 30s, young and health, brown wavy kind of air not unlike Conan O'Brian only not so exagerrated. He had a clean white shirt, a tie, belt, dress shoes and black pants on. I think he also had a plastic nametag/ID thing clipped to his shirt pocket.
Then I recall going around after work to this bar sortof thing. There were people gambling, drinking, smoking and playing cards. Strangly, unlike I would in real life I wasn't coughing gagging on the cigarette smoke. Anyways, this bar was L shaped again, from the front enterance the bar was along your right, and it room turned to left where there were gambling tables setup. I went to the far end where I found two guys. These were your factory worker, swearing a blue streak, rough and tough kind of guys. As such, they were modelled after/looked like the characters Skull and Bulk from Power Rangers. So Bulk was sitting down at a table, and Skull leaning against the wall beside him drinking whiskey or something. Bulk was waiting to play this interesting card game, but there was no one to play with him, so I sat down and started playing.
He called the game "Poker Chess", basically there was a 3x3 grid, you get delt three cards to start. On your turn you place a card on one of the three spots available to you. Available means directly on your said or the spot before it is occupied by one of your cards. Then went your card collides with the other players (i.e. his card is in the spot you want to take), based on the value of the cards (spades, hearts, clubs, diamonds, and Ace, King, to Two are the order of value), you create a probably that one side or the other will win. Then you roll some dice to see who gets it. The first person to occupy a full row of cards, wins. Of course, I lost burtally because I didn't really know what I was doing, and Bulk exploiting my ignorence by changing the rules to suit his needs, the cheating bastard! Still, he did offer to give me a ride home.
We (me, him and Skull) got into his junky old car, and drove through a sort of junkyard thing to a big fenced gate. On the ride, I realised that Skull was actually DudeB from the beginning just older. Anyways, behind the gate was a bit dilapidated apartment building, which is where I lived. Unlike the bright sky and green grass at the factory, this place had a black stormy sky, and no grass to be seen. The ground had puddles of oil and water, the oil running off the junk (mostly crushed cars on ether side of the road). The junk created tall virtical walls rising on either side of the road, the road itself was about 20 feet wide. The gate had warning signs and other non-sense tacked onto it, and on the other side of it there was a big open space before the apartment bulding which was on an angle from my perspective. The length of it streching a bit into the distance. There were some kids running around and playing in this space. At the gate, on the right and left there were spaces cut into the junk walls. In the right space, there were a bunch of these religious kids that looked really cartoony, in a choir or something and they were praying for peace and properity. They seemed to exude a kind of power, this sortof energy, but I ignored it. I had the gate opened by waving to the guard on the top left above the choir kids, and went inside.
Next thing I was looking a this overview of the plant, a floor plan. There was a greyed off area, and I recalled how I had been working there after repairing the cars for a while. Here we tested engines, or generators or something, but we needed another generator/alternator to test them for whatever reason. Anyways, they were all failing the tests, so we had the whole lot just scrapped, the whole production system reworked on my advice to something much more efficent, and I was promoted. However, I realised it had all just been because my testing generator was actually broken, but I never told anyone that, since I got a promotion and didn't want to loose it. Then I worked my way up the business ladder, and now was second in command of the entire factory, dressed all business like, older (mid-20s) and whatnot.
Anyways, the boss just called me to his office. From the doorway, it was a very spacious and white room, with big clear windows on the opposite wall. On the left was another door somewhere, on the right was the boss, his long but not too wide desk, and a long blackboard. On the blackboard was a drawing of Jean Cretian in a chair, and the chair had this marbly texture to it. The boss said the Prime Minister commissioned us to design him a chair, and he felt that he had come up with the perfect design.
And now for something completely different, I was dead in hell. The part of hell I was in was this big room. There was a thone thing where Satan sat on the far wall, and in front of him the ceiling scaled up into this big skylight thing. The skylight was really obsured, and just looked like a fussy white glow. The walls were smooth and greyish, either metal or ceramic, likewise was the floor. On the left and right were entraces to the usual cave like, molten lava hell you would expect.
Anyways, Skull/DudeB was Satan and Bulk a henchmen dude. There was also some other guy, but I don't really remember him, he was another henchman that hung around. I was also good friends with Satan, which was why I was not in the molten lava parts of gell. Also, for whatever reason he was completly ignorent about God and Jesus and very innocent. Extremely odd to say the least, but then consider Satan in my dream was actually my alter ego DudeB, I suppose it makes sense. So I asked Satan where the skylight went to, and he said back to Earth. I said good, I want to go back to Earth and find Jesus so I can get out of hell and into heaven. He asked who this Jesus was, and I said he's a most excellent fellow who perfects everything and saves all. Satan, then said that he wants to meet this Jesus too and be saved, so we will all go and find him, but no one has broken through the skylight to get back to Earth before. Then Bulk annouced that actually he could break through it, by jumping up and head butting it. Satan, said that Bulk will take me up, and if I get through ok to go find Jesus, and he would come up later and follow me. He also asked what the animals look like in case they need to eat something. I told him that the only animals fly and they are airplanes, because for some reason I thought this would prevent Satan from eating people by accident. I dunno, it's a dream...
So Bulk picked me up, held me to him and started jumping up, smashing his head through the skylight. He got his head stuck, but pulled, dropped back down, jumped again and broke through. However, that was only the first of many layers of thick glass in this skylight, so he just made this huge super-jump and smashed through them all. I was now at the surface of earth in a large city. The skylight actually reached up in a sort of pryamid with the top cut off in the middle of the city. So I went off, and Bulk jumped back down. I got out of the city, and came up a ridge to see that the entire city was in a sort of crater. I passed by those cartoon choir kids, and they were positivly glowing with arcane power. They were praying for the city, which apparently was a soddom/gomorrah nexus of corruption, to be purified and banished into gate to hell that they opened. Also, to close the gate to hell, the very one I just came through. Soon the entire city and ground started to shake, you could see it getting sucked into the ground around the skylight, but not into the skylight itself. It was awesome, but I had to find Jesusl, be saved and get to heaven, so off I went.
Now I became Satan/DudeB (well I was sortof him all along remember). We're in the throne room of hell, and everything is shaking, dust is falling and I'm like damn we better go somethings up. So we all just fly out of there, just as the city is collapsing entirely. Buildings are falling down all around us (three of us, me Bulk and the other guy). We are standing on some kind of monorail, but it's crumbling, so we jump up onto this tall building. The building itself was three segmant that were coming apart, each segment having cement around it with green class coming out like a band wrapping around the segment. It was about to collapse, but I/Satan (I was sortof him, and sortof 3rd person, hard to describe), used my powers to steady it. From here we had a vanatage point, and we spotted a clear area. So we jumped/ran over to it, just as the entire city was sucked in, and gone.
This clearing was near an airport (remember they/I think planes are animals for food). It was a grassy feild, the sky was blue, behind us was a large hanger/terminal building of some kind with a monorail curving around it to parts unknown. Suddenly and airplane roared overhead, and I'm like we've got to get that, so we have some food. But suddendly a cannessa whips by in front of us, distracting our attention, and I'm like we need to get that! However, the cannessa somehow morphed into a model helicopter some kid was playing with. A bit behind the kid the grass got taller like wheat, and there was a lot of coniferous trees, it really looked like your average middle of no-where farmer's feild, but it was beside an airport. Anyways, we went up to the kid and asked to eat his model, and he just said we were silly and you can't eat planes. So I'm like ok, whatever, it's not like we actually need to eat being supernatural beings and all.
So now I'm back in my usual DudeA form, instead of DudeB/Skull/Satan form. I've found the gates to heaven, went through them and entered into a large church that looked suspiciously like St. Peters. There was dark marble pillars on either side, pews in front, whiteish/pink marble floors, that weird thing at the center of St. Peters was in the background, and there was a speaking podium thing in front on the left. This look was probably no coincidence, since St. Peter was at the podium thingy, teaching a group of people about heaven, Jesus, life, etc... So I sat down with them and suddenly a heavenly glow came over me, and I was saved! w00t! Then, right after Satan, Bulk and the other dude burst in, and St. Peter just got this look of shock, as if to say "wtf are you here for?" Interestingly at this point Satan looked less like Skull and more like the Zoolander guy, lol! Satan's like, I'm looking for Jesus so I can be saved. St. Peter was like, well this is highly unusual, but whatever, just sit down and listen. So Satan and the guys did, and they were saved too.
THE END
I told you my dreams were excessively long and detailed. ;)
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
I Suck At Life
No really I do, but I'm trying hard not to suck. Been taking councilling and study skills at my university, and I'm supposed to be following this schedual now. It's pretty hard, but if I can get this to work, then soon I'll be able to actually get goals and achieve them. Like I said, I'm pretty new to this life stuff, despite being nearly 19. Sigh, howcome when reality hits you it always has to a frieght train!
But not to fear, everything is on the up and up. I ARE THE OWNAGE, don't forget. I could raise a man from the dead if I needed to, nothing is impossible!
But not to fear, everything is on the up and up. I ARE THE OWNAGE, don't forget. I could raise a man from the dead if I needed to, nothing is impossible!
United States of John Kimble
This is My United States of Who is Your Daddy and What Does He Do?!
Extreme lols at this site, and it's many other offerings. Just don't look at Riden' Spinnaz, it's gay porn.
Extreme lols at this site, and it's many other offerings. Just don't look at Riden' Spinnaz, it's gay porn.
Sunday, May 22, 2005
Art and Money
This is a post I wanted to store here. I posted this at the 3DRealms forums, and just so you know they are planning on using xStream for their new game Prey. Now xStream supports online authentication, that damnable concept recently realised by the bastard product Steam. I clearly, am against this, and hence this post. Read on, and see my truth:
There are two kinds of game developers. Those who develop with a passion for their art, and those who develop with a passion for money. If you're a developer who makes your games because you want to make something beautiful, something profound, something to make people say, "OMFG, I have seen the light and it is beautiful!", then clearly you are part of the first group. The second group (e.g. EA), naturally only cares for themselves, they follow a demographic and use their calcuators and cash to create a specially crafted product that will give enough punch to get people to spend their cash on it, but not cost so much that you loose profit. The games are only a means to an end for these people, and frankly they don't give a damn if it sucks, they only care about money.
If you are in the first group, then naturally you are making games for the people. You make games to inspire them, not to suck their wallets dry at any cost like the latter group. You rise above primitive greed, creating something amazing, and you give that wonderus gift for the people to enjoy. So if you consider yourself a true artist and not a whore to the almighty dollar, then when you are making your decisions consider the people. They are the ones you make your games for. You do not make them solely for yourself unlike other elements of society. So then, limiting your games accessablity to the public is ludicrous! And any measure that would hinder their experiancing of your work as it is meant to be experianced, absolutly wrong.
Ideally, you could just release your games for free and continue your work via donations to your cause. However, that doesn't always pay the bills these days, so you have to charge something. Thi, is reasonable, because it's what you need to continue with your art, your passion. This is basically how games have worked for a long time, and we have seen some incredible games under this system.
Under this context then we can make some conclusions about online authentication. More simply, it is a method of controlling your patrons in order to extract maximum profit. But is it not better to instead embrace them with open arms? Even the enemies of the game developer, the piraters, do some small amount of good. They increase your penetration into the global conciousness. They allow you to reach people who you would otherwise never influence because of cost or availablity. Sure, there is some money lost because you didn't put a lockdown on all your patrons computers or you didn't implement the most invasive and complete piracy protection imaginable, but what's money? As long as you have enough to continue creating your amazing works, and amazing they are, then things couldn't be better! In this case, I'm quite sure 3DRealms has enough, so what need does 3DRealms have for online authentication? Absolutly none, unless of course you now bow to the pagan god called money.
There are two kinds of game developers. Those who develop with a passion for their art, and those who develop with a passion for money. If you're a developer who makes your games because you want to make something beautiful, something profound, something to make people say, "OMFG, I have seen the light and it is beautiful!", then clearly you are part of the first group. The second group (e.g. EA), naturally only cares for themselves, they follow a demographic and use their calcuators and cash to create a specially crafted product that will give enough punch to get people to spend their cash on it, but not cost so much that you loose profit. The games are only a means to an end for these people, and frankly they don't give a damn if it sucks, they only care about money.
If you are in the first group, then naturally you are making games for the people. You make games to inspire them, not to suck their wallets dry at any cost like the latter group. You rise above primitive greed, creating something amazing, and you give that wonderus gift for the people to enjoy. So if you consider yourself a true artist and not a whore to the almighty dollar, then when you are making your decisions consider the people. They are the ones you make your games for. You do not make them solely for yourself unlike other elements of society. So then, limiting your games accessablity to the public is ludicrous! And any measure that would hinder their experiancing of your work as it is meant to be experianced, absolutly wrong.
Ideally, you could just release your games for free and continue your work via donations to your cause. However, that doesn't always pay the bills these days, so you have to charge something. Thi, is reasonable, because it's what you need to continue with your art, your passion. This is basically how games have worked for a long time, and we have seen some incredible games under this system.
Under this context then we can make some conclusions about online authentication. More simply, it is a method of controlling your patrons in order to extract maximum profit. But is it not better to instead embrace them with open arms? Even the enemies of the game developer, the piraters, do some small amount of good. They increase your penetration into the global conciousness. They allow you to reach people who you would otherwise never influence because of cost or availablity. Sure, there is some money lost because you didn't put a lockdown on all your patrons computers or you didn't implement the most invasive and complete piracy protection imaginable, but what's money? As long as you have enough to continue creating your amazing works, and amazing they are, then things couldn't be better! In this case, I'm quite sure 3DRealms has enough, so what need does 3DRealms have for online authentication? Absolutly none, unless of course you now bow to the pagan god called money.
Saturday, May 21, 2005
Salad Fingers
As you all know I love Burnt Face Man, but another exceedingly excellent creation of David Firth is Salad Fingers. You can see the episodes at www.fat-pie.com or www.newgrounds.com, but why I made this post is because of this interesting link.
A Description of Insanity
You go outside of your body, your mind shuts off and floats to another place. There is nothing left of you but pure carnal instinct, usually rage. You watch your body go through the motions from another plane of reality, helpless to control any action. Like the body, emotion too has left the mind. There is nothing left but the kernal of conciousness itself, the soul some might say. Unfortunitly, without this crucial essenace of humanity the body is freed to wreak absoule havok. Death and pain usually result. This is insanity.
PS: Do not try this at home.
PS: Do not try this at home.
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
My Brain is Humping PS3 Right Now
My goodness is that a beast of a machine!!!
Well I'm sure you've seen lots of info about it already, so I won't rehash. I just need to scream:
OMFG! IT LOOKS AWESOMELY AWESOME!!!!
xbox360, while good has nothing on this. I mean look at the demos! Real time fluid/gas simulation! A million simulated leaves with full wind simulation! Volumetric effects galore! 10+ Million polys per scene! It's just mind blowing!
Well I'm sure you've seen lots of info about it already, so I won't rehash. I just need to scream:
OMFG! IT LOOKS AWESOMELY AWESOME!!!!
xbox360, while good has nothing on this. I mean look at the demos! Real time fluid/gas simulation! A million simulated leaves with full wind simulation! Volumetric effects galore! 10+ Million polys per scene! It's just mind blowing!
Sunday, May 15, 2005
He Told Me To Do It
And hence this blog. I think that's an ugly word. Instead of blog I shall call you journal. I think it better describes the content of this diatribe.
As I'm sure you can tell by the title of this journal, mental coherancy is not of grave concern. Thereupon, I implore all readers, viewers and watchers to discard your dilapidated sense of social structure. Forget the mannerisms of modern day existance. Deconstruct your enigma of self-identity. For here lies a conundrum that cannot be seen through the veils and filters of our society of submission, and that conundrum is me.
Ok, now that I've successfully filled your head with philosophical non-sense, lets get down to business. I'm going to post all the crazy stuff that runs through my head, and you're going to enjoy reading it. Then you will comment on how insightful and meaningful my message is. Understand? I really don't care.
As for society, it really is based around submission. You watch TV, but the networks don't want you to be entertained. They want you to submit to their commercials, as the advertisers are their clients, not you. If someone has a destructive point of view (e.g. Taliban), we don't try to change their mind. No, we force them into submission to our dogmas. Now don't think I'm some wish-washy yes-man, far from it. Rather, I respect humanity's free will. I may disagree, but that gives me no right to enslave, only to present my point of view.
Of course, there is a point of absolutes too. That is humanity's inherint right to life. Whenever this line is crossed, then all action must be taken to stop it. However, we must never take life ourselves. Sure we can cripple the economy, force them to live in a prision, cause incredible emotional trauma, etc... We can and must do what it takes to prevent death, except inflict death ourselves (very much includes abortion).
Then there is that sticky issue of self-defense, where things get a bit grey. We can surely protect ourselfs from harm, hence prisions. Still, while we may segregate society in this manner, again we cannot force an individual to adhere to our rules, and certainly not kill them, even if we force them to live somewhere else. However, then there is the issue of "kill or be killed" scenarios, but here I say the absolute of life still holds. It is better to die with clean hands, then to live with bloody ones. Of course, that doesn't mean I won't do anything to help the situation, like rape or torture if it'll improve something, just not kill.
Well I think you get the jist of my political and moral perspectives. Agree or disagree, present your opinions, etc... I will respect your ability to choose, even if I don't respect your choices.
In other news, I program in C++, OpenGL, etc.. I know too much about graphics programming, and a little bit about physics programming. I'm currently designed my own language, sortof. Then will use the ideas from there to form create a coding platform in C++. Once this is finished, I will proceed to finish up a basic physics engine I've been working on, using that platform. Then I will extend the engine to encompass graphics. Finally, I will work on gameplay, networking, editors, etc... but this is pretty far off. In the end I hope to have a very capable game engine, the respect of many, and finally be able to tell my parents I'm doing something useful in my spare time.
PS: Help would be appreciated. I want to start a demo group, before a game dev team.
PSS: I love David Firth's Burnt Face Man. You will love it too once you've watched it, so watch it DAMMIT JIM!!!
As I'm sure you can tell by the title of this journal, mental coherancy is not of grave concern. Thereupon, I implore all readers, viewers and watchers to discard your dilapidated sense of social structure. Forget the mannerisms of modern day existance. Deconstruct your enigma of self-identity. For here lies a conundrum that cannot be seen through the veils and filters of our society of submission, and that conundrum is me.
Ok, now that I've successfully filled your head with philosophical non-sense, lets get down to business. I'm going to post all the crazy stuff that runs through my head, and you're going to enjoy reading it. Then you will comment on how insightful and meaningful my message is. Understand? I really don't care.
As for society, it really is based around submission. You watch TV, but the networks don't want you to be entertained. They want you to submit to their commercials, as the advertisers are their clients, not you. If someone has a destructive point of view (e.g. Taliban), we don't try to change their mind. No, we force them into submission to our dogmas. Now don't think I'm some wish-washy yes-man, far from it. Rather, I respect humanity's free will. I may disagree, but that gives me no right to enslave, only to present my point of view.
Of course, there is a point of absolutes too. That is humanity's inherint right to life. Whenever this line is crossed, then all action must be taken to stop it. However, we must never take life ourselves. Sure we can cripple the economy, force them to live in a prision, cause incredible emotional trauma, etc... We can and must do what it takes to prevent death, except inflict death ourselves (very much includes abortion).
Then there is that sticky issue of self-defense, where things get a bit grey. We can surely protect ourselfs from harm, hence prisions. Still, while we may segregate society in this manner, again we cannot force an individual to adhere to our rules, and certainly not kill them, even if we force them to live somewhere else. However, then there is the issue of "kill or be killed" scenarios, but here I say the absolute of life still holds. It is better to die with clean hands, then to live with bloody ones. Of course, that doesn't mean I won't do anything to help the situation, like rape or torture if it'll improve something, just not kill.
Well I think you get the jist of my political and moral perspectives. Agree or disagree, present your opinions, etc... I will respect your ability to choose, even if I don't respect your choices.
In other news, I program in C++, OpenGL, etc.. I know too much about graphics programming, and a little bit about physics programming. I'm currently designed my own language, sortof. Then will use the ideas from there to form create a coding platform in C++. Once this is finished, I will proceed to finish up a basic physics engine I've been working on, using that platform. Then I will extend the engine to encompass graphics. Finally, I will work on gameplay, networking, editors, etc... but this is pretty far off. In the end I hope to have a very capable game engine, the respect of many, and finally be able to tell my parents I'm doing something useful in my spare time.
PS: Help would be appreciated. I want to start a demo group, before a game dev team.
PSS: I love David Firth's Burnt Face Man. You will love it too once you've watched it, so watch it DAMMIT JIM!!!
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